


No Bed Of Rose's: Teaser Trailer

by HorizonTheTransient



Series: No Bed Of Rose's [3]
Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Comedy, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25975783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorizonTheTransient/pseuds/HorizonTheTransient
Summary: A preview of the upcoming No Bed of Rose's reboot. Enjoy!
Series: No Bed Of Rose's [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759570
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	No Bed Of Rose's: Teaser Trailer

"God, it's been a while since we played D&D," Lisa said.

"You're not  _ allowed _ to play D&D anymore, you get bored in fifteen minutes and then you try and skullfuck something," Rose said.

"Yeah, Lisa, I gotta say," I said. "You're... you're  _ That Guy. _ Please stop being That Guy."

"Neeeeeerds," Amy crowed from the other end of the couch.

"Let me tell you about my D&D character," Rose declared dramatically.

_ "NEEEEEEERDS," _ Amy repeated, louder.

"He's from my favorite animes," Rose continued, provoking a round of laughter.

"Okay, I'm not- I'm not  _ that _ pathetic," Lisa protested.

"He has a black trenchcoat and two swords and seventeen waifus but he only kisses the waifus in extremely questionable circumstances cause he doesn't believe in consent or commitment," Rose continued.

"His name is Naruto Joestar," Amy said.

"Naruto Joestar-Potter," Lisa countered.

"Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres," I said, making everyone groan in pain.

"See," Rose continued, undeterred. "He, he used to be a gamer but then he got sucked into the game he was playing but he was playing Frogger so he got hit by a truck and died and went to anime heaven and the smug sexy anime goddess with giant bazongas butchered buddhism at him and then he reincarnated in a video game world and now hes level forty two thousand and sixty nine and it's awesome but he sits at home crying sometimes because he misses standing in line at the DMV.

"And then one day his favorite waifu who's his favorite because she's a tsundere even though she doesn't have gigantic breastesses gets kidnapped and so he turns into an elf with wings and a sniper rifle to go rescue her.

"But then, but then, the evil villain man who's this really pretty pretty boy who's very effeminate and creepy but don't worry he's definitely not a homophobic stereotype, shoots the hero and he wakes up back in his bed and it's earlier that day and it turns out he's in a time loop like that movie groundhog day and he has to save the city from being invaded by an army of undead exiles from across the sea or else an angel will chop his balls off."

"Hang on," I protested. "You just ripped off Mother of Learning, that's not anime!"

Rose ignored me, barreling on. "And while he's trying to save the city, right before things get actually good or interesting, we cut away to some miscellaneous waifus in the bathhouse with soap suds hiding their nipples but otherwise they're completely naked and they're all talking about how much they want to sleep with Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres and the one who has the mental capacity of an eight year old and also the largest bazingas proudly declares that she also wants to sleep with the main waifu.

"And then after the fanservice it cuts to his two shitty dude friends who nobody cares about and one of them is a big huge buff black dude with a deep voice and they talk about their best friend Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres like they want to sleep with him too but they don't realize it or don't want to admit it.

"And then it finally cuts back to Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres who's fighting a dragon and losing when suddenly he goes 'A-ha I have a trick up my sleeve' and turns into a  _ slightly cooler _ dragon and he can breathe fire AND lasers AND a super secret special damage type that ends up being called void and it kills the other evil dragon in one shot and when he turns back into a human the main waifu, who he just rescued, asked how he did that and he said it's a prestige class that only he qualified for because he and he alone believes in himself.

"And then they adopted a random orphan for no reason and went on a picnic."

Lisa wiped tears out of her eyes, and said, "And then the second season starts and it turns out that the dragon he killed wasn't actually the main villain."

"Well, duh, sequel hook," Rose said. "So the main villain is alive and Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres forgot until he ran into the main villain at Taco Bell and immediately tried to kill him. And it didn't work because it was episode one and the Taco Bell got destroyed and a bunch of civilians died but its okay because it wasn't Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres' fault.

"And then, and THEN, he goes to the big buff black dude with the deep voice who clearly, painfully desires to making fuck with him, and the big buff black dude with the deep voice reads the season outline and says that Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres has to go to McDonald's next and keep that one from being leveled because it turns out that the villain is trying to destroy fast food because its ruining his immersion which is why he destroyed the Taco Bell, despite that happening literally last episode and clearly being in self defense because Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres tried to doublesword him to death, but its okay, you're watching isekai anime so clearly you have the attention span of a goldfish or no artistic standards or both.

"And so Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres goes to Wendy's and fights the evil villain who turns into the dragon he killed last season and they reuse a lot of footage from that fight and then after a really epic fight thats mostly speed lines and giant energy blasts that are a solid color and really easy to draw, the Arby's is leveled but the bad guy is dead and it turns out he was the CEO of Taco Bell whose board of directors was also bad guys like him and they continue their evil plan to destroy all the fast food restaurants that aren't theirs because they don't like competition and when Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres find's this out he says a smug one-liner thats really inappropriate because hes standing in the wreckage of a Whataburger that's also the grave of like fifty or sixty people but they didn't have names so they're just NPCs and don't matter.

"And then Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres grimly accepts his duty which is to blow up every Taco Bell in the world before the evil company does it first but the first one he goes to has a new waifu behind the counter and she has this gentle smile and nice hair and just enormous fucking knockers and he gets all sad and conflicted so he asks her out and she says yes to the customer who asked her out and then while they go on a date the Waifu Corps explodinate her place of work so now she's unemployed and has to crash on some other waifu's couch.

"And then there's a very serious three episode arc dealing with poverty and unemployment and homelessness through the lens of this big titty taco bell bitch and we get her big sad backstory for why she worked at Taco Bell and she's addicted to like Mountain Dew or something and also her tits are out in every scene because otherwise how could we understand the tragedy of how she was treated by society.

"And then after that there's only like two episodes left in the season because they wasted all their time on titties and so Naruto Joestar-Potter-Evans-Verres has to speedrun guillotining the Dairy Queen board of directors and it ends with him sitting on a throne of corpses and appointing Taco Titties to be the new CEO of KFC. And then they went on another picnic. The end."

"That was beautiful," Amy said. "Never do that again."

"I make no promises," Rose said.


End file.
